One way to look at things

My friend and I are out for coffee.

“In my basement there’s a man I keep chained up and a few nights a week. I beat him with a stick.” I take a sip from my coffee. My friend tells me, “you should let him go.” I tell him, “if I let him go he surely will kill me.” My friend suggests, “maybe you should ask what he would do if you let him go.” I reply, “I’ve asked him and he says he surely will kill me.

“But why beat him? By beating him, he will want to kill me, so I must keep him locked up in my basement.”

My friend finishes his coffee and says goodbye. I stay and order another.

Seen anything lately?

On the final episode of “Pluckers™,” the reality competition show where contestants come up with new and creative ways to pluck out their own eyeballs, Oscar “The DeOccular” Hernandez faces off Maya “Myopic” Mettelberger. Despite the spectacular performance delivered by Oscar, his eyes still dangling by their ocular nerves like bungees after he plugged his ears, nostrils (and all other orifices), with hot wax, finally sealing his mouth over a boiling kettle until the pressure of the steam ejected his orbs from their sockets, when Maya, operating an excavator, nimbly plucks out her eyes operating it’s giant mechanical arm, gently leaving them on its claw like a waiter at a Michelin restaurant offering up a sparsely portioned appetizer for two. The crowd (“Pluckers™” films in front of a live audience) is frozen for a moment, unable to believe their eyes, before erupting in a fervor of applause. Without even looking at each other, the judges march up to Maya, holding a tremendous (in size and dollar amount (at least $100,000)) check which they wrestle into her flailing outstretched arms.

While walking, Eve sees a wink.

4:24pm

! hey creep

!!!

?
at home rn
wsup

liar. look around
. . .